Tough Days And Nights...Part II

We've had another rough few days. We have heard again and again that everyone should settle into a routine by around six weeks, but we're past that now. We're done expecting that there is some magical mark where life starts to even out a little bit. Obviously this is our first go at being parents, so it's difficult to know if Gus is difficult; if we're doing something wrong; if we're not just adjusting to this huge change well. There are so many variables. I (Scott) have talked with one person in particular about some of our struggles and I always get the feeling from him/her that we're just overreacting and that Gus is, well, a baby and that we shouldn't expect more than we do. I've resented that a little, because each baby and each situation is different. How could they possibly know what's it's like for us? Maybe, however, he/she isn't as far off as I'd like to imagine. Maybe we doe expect too much; maybe this is normal; maybe we're over educated; maybe we've read too many books; maybe babies just cry and cause havoc in what may have been your perfect little life. We don't know. All we do know is that parenthood is, by far, the most difficult thing that we've ever done and we can't wait to get past this newborn stage. If you ever hear us say we miss these days, call us on it because we'd be lying.

Despite my tone, in the grand scheme of things we're guessing that Gus is a pretty good baby. I don't mean to make him out to be a terror. We think that he's happy; he doesn't have an extreme case of colic (you know, the kind you read about or hear from someone who's trying to top someone else's story); he nurses pretty well (except when he falls asleep); he doesn't spit up cronically; he often sleeps well at night; etc...etc...etc. Not only is he probably pretty good, but he's so darn cute. Most importantly, he's healthy. As a parent at this stage, that has to be the greatest gift of all.

As trying as it has been, the situation has been another picture of the Gospel for me. Gus sure does drive us crazy. I hate the way he wears on Amy some days; the way he makes her cry; the way he makes her mad; the way he demands all of her time and attention...and for what? A smile here and there? There aren't many moments where we can just sit and enjoy him. There's always something to do or there's always something we're trying to get him to do. At this stage, there's a whole lot of take and very little of the give on his part. I know it's not about what he does for us, but...I'm rambling. The point is that we love him immensely despite how we often feel simply because he's ours. Isn't that the way it is with us and Jesus? Obviously so. We bring even less to God's table and yet He loves us, simply because we're His. Amazing. A good lesson for me.

We'd sure appreciate it if you'd keep us in your prayers. Especially pray for Amy as she's on the front line all day and she's so worn down. Pray that God would grow us into the people He wants us to be through this. Pray that we would love each other well. Pray that we would be incredible parents to Gus.

On a postive note, here's one of the best pictures I've taken with the new camera. Great, isn't it? I love the subject matter (ha!). I like that it's fairly monotone. I like that Amy looks a little tired, but also kind, loving and committed. (Couldn't imagine life with out you, Frau. Gus, get it together! Know that we love you, though, so much!)