Dear Faithful Blog Readers:)
I have decided to lay aside my arsenal of baby books (they fill up an entire shelf on Gus' bookcase!) and ask for advice from people I know.
Here's the scoop:
Gus has suddenly decided to resist nap-taking in all forms! We used to have a routine of sorts down....eat, play, diaper change, swaddle, rock, a few protesting noises and then down into the crib, drowsy but awake. He might fuss a little,and need to be picked up a time or two again, but he usually would go to sleep.
Now as soon as I start to swaddle him, he starts to cry. He won't consistently take a pacifier. If he does fall asleep, the last two days he has only stayed asleep for about 30 minutes or so. He also has been waking up more at night, like the old days. I had gotten used to more sleep so I've been pretty crabby the last few days.
Anyway, I am confused and frustrated again and very unsure about what to do. We seem to get stuff figured out and then it all implodes. Scott and I both feel like Gus is old enough to graduate from his newborn routine of holding and rocking, etc. to go to sleep, and we really want him to get into good habits. But we're not sure what to do, and how, and when.
We tried letting him cry himself to sleep this afternoon while Scott was home for lunch. It only took 5 minutes and he was asleep. 30 minutes later, however, and after Scott was gone, he was awake again. I tried to let him cry it out later in the afternoon, by myself, and he was still screaming when I went back in 15 minutes later. It just broke my heart...he was so upset and had little tears on his face. I cried afterwards just as much as he did, I think.
So, anyway, I feel like a weak mom or something and am afraid that I will be letting him get into bad habits. But then I think, maybe it's just a growth spurt, and I should nurse him like crazy. I just don't know what he wants.
So for all of you with kiddos, please feel free to weigh in and let us know what has worked for you! Thanks....we appreciate your support. This parenting thing is a lot harder than we had expected!! Prayers would be great, too.
7 comments:
I remember those days only a bit now; seems like an old bad dream. I know we got through it but don't remember how. It was harder on Sara than me because she would worry about letting Emma cry too long or get too sad.
I recall the fatigue, can remember glimpses of sleep finally and many promises to ground her when she turned 16... Try to talk with Sara this weekend, I'm sure she remembers more than me.
Troy is really good at his 30 min naps-like clockwork. I can put him down asleep in the crib and he wakes right up. I try letting him cry himself to sleep but like you said, it doesn't work. He's just started putting himself to sleep at night... The only way for a longer nap is holding him the whole time...but for how many years?? :p We totally understand... The last two days he has shocked me by taking a 2+ hour nap...but in his car seat. Sorry to say this-but I'm glad we aren't the only ones experiencing this-it is so frustrating! I've talked to other moms whose kids did the same thing...that was very reassuring...I guess I did the same thing as a child.. :p
You're a good mommy, don't worry. :)
A swing worked wonders for me!! because you put the baby down when they are still awake and then she would fall asleep on the swing. and do not be too hard on yourself. The fact that you want the best for him shows that you are a good mom.
I know this can be so frustrating, if only they could tell you what they want or need. Some kids start teething around this time which totally disrupts sleep patterns. Also after about 3 months old my little ones didn't like the swaddling. It will take time to find your routine and pattern, but YOU WILL!! My little guy started as a good sleeper then became a cat napper. He would sleep 20 min. here or there. It was so frustrating because I was unable to accomplish anything. I was so jealous of my sister's kids who took two hour naps from the go. Now he is a good napper, but at 18 months still not the best night time sleeper. Just don't feel like a failure-every mom goes through this(more than once).
Try really wearing him out before you let him go down to sleep. This way he will want to sleep. Also for my little guy a little soft mini blanket is comforting to him.
All of the other comments are so good and true. Our little Gus just has a mind of his own even through he has such wonderful loving parents. You are doing great. And I had moments many years ago that I cried with your mother when she was his age. Give Gus a hug for me. He looks so good in his pictures. It will be wonderful to hold and hug him myself. Love and prayers. Grgma.
Let me start by saying: We miss you guys!
Josh and I went through something really similar with Jonas when he was the same age. It was frustrating because every time we thought we had him and his needs figured out, they would change. It was helpful to know that he was at an age where he was supposed to be really fussy (and that it was supposed to get better!). I started carrying him in the baby bjorn around the house a lot. He napped in that for short periods of time. I didn't get much done, but in retrospect, the time was short and he's only this age once. He seemed more content. I didn't worry too much about bad habits, I figured he was a little young to develop a lot of habits. I would get really frustrated when people would tell me to "enjoy every minute!" I thought if they were as sleep deprived as I was (and had a baby that screamed so much) they would certainly not be saying that!
We didn't really try cry-it-out. Josh was opposed to that because he felt Jonas' most important task as an infant was to develop trust in his caregivers. Things went so bad for Jonas at birth that it seemed it would take an extra long time to develop trust (I admit I tried it once or twice when I was at the end of my rope and while Josh was at work - I didn't have much success and I felt awful).
About the time Jonas was 3 or 3.5 months old, I had a friend visit with her 6 month old and I told her of my frustrations with a fussy baby, and not knowing what to expect from him in terms of naps and not knowing how to coach him into regular routines. She said that she spent a few days really carefully watching her daughters cues and noticed that her daughter was ready for a nap just about 2 hours after she had woken up from the previous one.
I tried watching Jonas and noticed that he started acting tired and ready for a nap about 2 hours after he woke up in the morning and then another one about 3 hours after he woke up from the first one. He was really subtle, though. He wouldn't yawn or rub his eyes, he would jsut get a little fussy with whatever he was doing. It was a breakthrough! I could take a shower while he had his morning nap and get a few chores done in the afternoon. I felt like it was so much easier to really devote my full attention to him, when I knew that I would have time to do the dishes/laundry/etc. later on.
He's 8 months old now, and I don't know that this routine will last forever - it seems being a parent means constantly adjusting to the new normal - but its still working for us now.
Good Luck. Gus V is blessed to have such loving, capable parents. We'll keep you in our prayers. I have faith the Lord will sustain you through this difficult time.
Jenny, Josh and Jonas
Hi,
I found your blog through Chattablogs. Congratulations on your new little one! I had to chime in because the sleep issue has been so diffucult for me and my little one (it still is frankly and she is two and a half! oops, maybe I am not one to give advice!) I want to echo what Jenny said about watching for the cues and needing a nap not long after waking for the morning. This was definitely true for Olivia. If you can figure out Gus' schedule and then start to work with it, by trying different things and seeing what will help him go to sleep, that might be a good beginning. The swaddling was working, but he might be over that and on to something else...maybe rocking or the swing. They change so quickly and keep us on our toes. About crying it out...it never worked for Olivia and I think I know why now. I read somewhere that some children cry and fuss a bit as they fall asleep and actually need to do this to release tension (and CIO will often work with them), while others work themselves up into a frenzy when left to CIO and it will never get them to sleep. O was definitely in this camp and it did not ever work for her. If you can figure out where Gus falls on the spectrum, you might know whether it will work to let him fuss himself to sleep a bit.
I know that you said you have a lot of books...The Baby Whisperer was one that I found somewhat helpful.
Anyway, good luck. And remember that you are doing a great job and have good instincts.
Paige
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